Our Family Resilience Story -

Our family had a recent crisis and I want to share my heart about how we made our way through.

Six months ago, the night before St James Court Art Show set up, my husband Ralph fell down our second floor staircase and had a stroke. It was difficult for both Trent and me. Ralph was and is the rock of my life. I am so grateful he is doing much better now. He is getting around more and even driving legally. He passed a drivers test in January. I feel blessed because I appreciate every opportunity to experience life with him. His stroke caused me to reflect deeply on our journey.

Trent and I have had decades thus, lifelong experiences seeking to grow with new opportunities, climbing out of trenches, negotiating our way through disabling environments, and working in our art business. Trent is the artist, his step dad and myself are managers.

Our peak experiences have been traveling and showing his art in fine art shows and making vacations out of these enjoyable trips. Yet, sometimes because of Trent’s uneasiness and anxiety to adapt and even when I couldn’t see a way, I had to be creative on the spur of the moment, to take desperate measures to help Trent adapt. I sometimes reached out to ask people in community settings for help to accommodate Trent’s needs.

I have written it all down and made tools for Trent. Day by day as he ventures out into the community with me or with his ‘support givers’ (I prefer ‘support givers’ rather than ‘caregivers’), he still relies upon each support tool. For example, because he gets anxious a lot, he holds a checklist in his hands for dear life as he ventures out to unknown community settings. The supports he uses are truly life-giving, meaning they allow him to experience as much as he can in life. Sometimes the supports don’t work. But I never allow Trent to leave home without them.

In the past, I have been mistaken and learned the hard way too. One thing I was programed by educators in the 80s and 90s and the overall culture to think that ‘independence’ is the only way to go. When Trent graduated from high school, the goal was to get Trent a job so he could become ‘independent’. The message was clear and loud, ‘do it by yourself’. Well that didn’t work well and he was fired from a couple of jobs. He eventually worked at Meijer, (a large retail store) and stayed there for 13 years. It worked well because he got the job with his live-in support giver who was also hired with him. The manager was progressive in his team building approach, which impacted coworkers to work with Trent on a team and look out for him.

Looking back to his school transition years, I wish someone told me then that ‘independence’ was the wrong way to go. Maybe Trent and I wouldn’t have had so many obstacles. I discovered through experiences it is not ‘independence’, but it is ‘i n t e r d e p e n d e n c e’ that led to every single growth adaptation Trent has had the pleasure to experience.

Persons who are neurodivergent, autistic, or disabled, have basic human rights to be part of community workplaces and to be safe from harm in disabling environments. Persons like Trent rely upon supports that enable them to trust persons who understand their needs and help to create a way to work on team tasks and adapt.

When I am asked by a mother or father approaching their son or daughter’s life after high school, I simply suggest they try living the interdependent way. I promote ‘interdependence’ for all. The Art Of Interdependent Work Model I offer two coaching options to help increase adaptation to daily life and in workplaces, see two options. Thrive Career Coaching and Thrive Self-advocacy Coaching

I have friends on facebook who write in their posts about their experiences with their adult children. They live bravely each day to create a unique personalized life for their son or daughter. I see these parents as my kindred spirits. It is my intention to share with you tools I use with Trent and hopefully you will share with me your ideas. It hasn’t been easy, but the tools have helped Trent and me live our lives the best we can.

Love,